


Song Challenge: Fuck it (I don't want you back)

by Windfighter



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: M/M, Sorry Emil, Sorry Lalli
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2019-01-31 04:09:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12674136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windfighter/pseuds/Windfighter
Summary: There wasn't any reason for Lalli to suspect something when his boyfriend started working late. Or when he started working on weekends. No reason at all. The gossip in town told another story though.





	Song Challenge: Fuck it (I don't want you back)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by _Fuck it (I don't want you back)_ by Eamon.
> 
> Story don't contain profanities, except the word Swede. Some mental illness mentioned somewhere *vague handgestures* Story may or may not be about cheating. Like I'm going to actually spoil that part. You read for yourself!

”I saw him with _her_ again.”

”Again? That's gotta be the fourth time this week.”

”I know! Who is she even?”

”Maybe his lover?”

Lalli didn't usually listen to gossip. He didn't care. But he just couldn't close out the sounds from the two women walking infront of him.

”But she's not very cute, he could do a lot better.”

”Maybe he prefers the ugly ones. I mean, have you seen his boyfriend? He's...”

The woman's eyes fell on Lalli and she lowered her voice and then the two of them hurried their steps. Lalli stopped, his gaze followed them as they left. They couldn't have been talking about Emil, could they? No, there was no way. Sure, the other had started working overtime a lot lately, but with all the extra work the promotions had given him it wasn't that weird, was it? Lalli looked at his feet.

Maybe... maybe Emil wanted more from their relationship, something he knew Lalli couldn't give him. Maybe he had found someone else who could fulfill that need.

Lalli shook his head. The Emil he knew wouldn't do that. And his touch was still as gentle, his voice still as soft. If there really was someone else, wouldn't that have changed? Lalli didn't know, didn't have any experience in the matter. He looked around, found that he had stopped next to the library and went inside it, went up to the desk.

”Excuse me...”

The librarian smiled, that weird smile most Swedes got whenever Lalli spoke Swedish, and Lalli frowned slightly. He didn't know what it meant. Even Emil got that weird smile sometimes, and he had never really explained it to Lalli. The librarian leaned against the desk, looked at Lalli and he looked at his feet, looked at her again.

”Could I... Could I borrow the phone?”

”Sure thing, dear. If you just follow me.”

She gestured for him to come along and he did so, heard whispers starting as he walked past people. He tried to convince himself they weren't whispering about him, why would they, but it was hard. The librarian opened a door and he quickly went inside, quickly closed the door behind him.

”It's right there”, she showed him. ”You have to press 0 before you enter the number, otherwise you'll only reach another library. Just let me know as soon as you are done, dear.”

He nodded and she left again. He stared at the phone, started regretting his decision, but picked it up anyway. Emil was working late, he had told Lalli he would probably sleep at the office since he would start early the next day. Lalli knew the number by heart, learned it ages ago when he first started working in the Swedish military. His fingers pressed the numbers without him guiding them. Two signals, three, then someone picked up. Lalli didn't recognize the name.

”Can I speak with Emil?”

”Emil?”

”Emil Västerström. I need to talk to him.”

”He went home a few hours ago, said he had important things to do. He won't be in until monday. Do you want me to take a message?”

”N... no.”

Lalli put the phone down, sank down on the floor. Emil had lied to him. He buried his face in his hands. Emil had lied. There had to be a reason. He got up again, told the librarian he was done and left. He didn't feel like heading home, didn't want to face the empty rooms now that he knew Emil hadn't been honest with him. Instead he walked along the streets of the city, hoped tiredness would overcome him so he could turn home without the thoughts roaming free in his mind. He wasn't going to let himself jump to conclusions.

Soft blonde hair caught his eyes and he stopped, looked at his boyfriend. Started lifting a hand to greet him, but he saw Emil put an arm around someone, saw him bury his face in her golden locks, and his arm fell again. He moved closer, slowly and quietly, made sure to stay out of their sight. They entered a store and Lalli watched them through the window, saw how the woman, a thin thing with tired eyes and unkempt blonde hair, picked up a dress. Lalli saw Emil pay for it, saw him laugh as the woman's eyes lit up and she placed a kiss on his cheek.

Lalli turned away. He had seen enough, there was no use trying to trick himself. Emil had found someone else, Lalli didn't know how long ago. His feet led him home, took the roads where he wouldn't meet anyone. He couldn't deal with more whispers. Did everyone except he know? How had he been so blind? Fooled by sweet words and empty promises. And by a _Swede_. He dried his tears, fumbled with the lock and hurried into their apartment. His hand traced the walls, stopped by the pictures of him and Emil as his mind tried to figure out where it went wrong.

The first kiss, when Lalli had pulled away because he was overwhelmed, uncertain? The first night in a shared bed, when Lalli had left it in the middle of the night, not yet used to being so close to someone? The first time he said ”I love you” to the Swede? Lalli clenched his hand. Why hadn't the other said anything? Why had he decided to deceive Lalli instead? Pull him along with sweet words he couldn't have meant? Had it ever been real for Emil, ever been important, or had Lalli tricked himself into believing someone could ever care for him like that?

Lalli sank down into the sofa, buried his face in his hands. Sniffles echoed through the empty apartment and Lalli's shoulders shook. He ignored the phone when it rang, ignored his stomach when it started begging for food. He lost track of time, only barely aware that some hours had past. He slowly got up, went into the bedroom. He found his backpack hidden in the closet, took it out. He pressed a pair of socks into it, a pair of pants. He froze when his hands picked up a brown coat. A gift from Emil. Lalli buried his face into it, then threw it into a corner of the room. It was soon followed by a handcraft knife Emil had given him, a teddybear Emil won for him at the market, a pair of books Emil had given him when he said he wanted to practice his Swedish.

Lights was turned on in the living room and Lalli closed the backpack, was about to head for the door. But there he was. Lalli tried glaring.

”What are you doing here?”

Emil looked stumped.

”I got worried when you didn't answer. Is something wrong? Did something happen?”

That slight frown Emil always got when he worried, one of the many things Lalli had fallen for. Lalli looked away.

”What do you care?”

”Wha-? Of course I care, you know I do. Lalli, did something happen?”

”You know fully well what happened, you lying... you oafish... you _Swede_! Did you think I'd never find out? That you could play me like a fool forever? It ends here.”

Lalli brushed Emil aside, left the bedroom and made for the door. Emil's hand grabbed his arm, pulled him back.

”Lalli, _what_ are you talking about?”

”I saw you. I saw both of you. How long have you... No, I don't want to know. Just let go of me!”

Sadness clouded Emil's eyes, but his grip of Lalli's arm hardened and Lalli tried to break free.

”You missunderstand! Lalli, listen to me, it's not like you think!”

”You _lied_ to me, Emil Fredrik Västerström. You lied. Do you know how... No, I don't want to hear another lying word from you. I'm not letting you trick me again.”

Emil pulled him closer and Lalli lifted the backpack, prepared to strike Emil with it.

”Then please listen to the _truth_.”

Lalli's backpack hit Emil's head and Emil's hand loosened its grip around Lalli's arm. Lalli pulled free, made his way to the door, out of the door. He bumped into something soft, something that fell, and he fell over her. She yelped and he heard Emil let out a sigh behind him.

”Lalli, meet my sister. Elvira, this is my boyfriend. He's usually not this touchy.”

Lalli rolled off her, glared at Emil.

”You don't have a sister.”

”I didn't until six months ago”, Emil offered Elvira a hand and helped her to her feet. Lalli got up as well, put the backpack over his shoulder.

”If you're lying...”

”I'm not.”

”You have 60 seconds to explain.”

”Lalli, can we please take this inside? The neighbours will talk.”

”They already are. 45 seconds.”

Emil let out a sigh.

”Six months ago mother told me I had an older sister. She had been given up for adoption, because...” Emil glanced at Elvira. ”Postpartum depression. It's not my right to say more than that. We can talk with mother later if you want to.”

Lalli didn't care about Elvira's childhood. He stared at Emil. 30 seconds, then he'd leave.

”I met her for the first time five months ago.”

It had been going on for five months. Five months of lying, of tricking Lalli, of Emil walking behind his back. Lalli clenched his hands.

”I didn't know how to tell you...”

There was a slight shiver in Emil's voice, but Lalli wouldn't give in. 10 seconds.

”Lalli, I'm so very sorry.”

They looked at each other, then Lalli turned his back to Emil, was about to leave, but a thin hand wrapped around his arm.

”It was my fault.”

Her voice was fragile, as if she would break at any second. So different from Emil's, but still so much alike and Lalli froze.

”Please. Emil... He... I told him not to say anything.”

Her voice shivered and Lalli knew she wasn't telling the whole truth, but they were getting somewhere. He pulled free from her grip and she pulled back as if she had gotten burned.

”He found me in the mental ward. I wasn't in my best condition when he came the first times. I think I scared him, but he kept coming anyway.”

Lalli turned around, looked at her. She looked away, glanced at Emil, who was unusually interested in his own shoes.

”His visits cleared up my mind and the voices fell quiet when he was there and I... I kind of wanted him to myself. And I was certain he wouldn't be alloved to meet me if anyone knew. They told me that.”

Lalli shifted, his curiosity getting the best of him.

”'They'?”

”The voices. They've been my only friends since I was fourteen... Anyway, when I got out of there Emil took it upon himself to help me with, well... everything.”

Lalli couldn't help but smile. That was so typical Emil, was part of what Lalli had fallen in love with. Emil glanced in his direction and Lalli's smile disappeared. Elvira looked between them, continued her story.

”A couple weeks ago I opened up to the idea of meeting you, letting you know, but...”

She glanced at Emil, who blushed and looked down again.

”I was afraid”, Emil confessed. ”Ashamed. I had lied so much by then that I... I didn't know how to make it right. I didn't want to continue, but I didn't know how to stop. I didn't mean for you to find out like this though.”

”Would you had prefered if I _never_ found out?”

Emil shook his head, lifted a hand to dry tears that Lalli couldn't see and Lalli's heart melted, his stomach ached. Emil didn't deserve to cry, he deserved to be happy. Even if he had lied to Lalli. Even if Lalli was still a little upset about it. Lalli looked at his feet, gestured to the door.

”...We should go inside. The neighbours will talk.”

Emil smiled at him, led Elvira into the apartment and Lalli sighed. He hadn't forgiven Emil for lying, he wasn't sure he ever would, but now that he knew why he could _understand_. He would yell at Emil for it later though, otherwise Emil would beat himself up over it, would tie himself into a knot to make it right and Lalli hated seeing Emil in pain. For now he'd let them introduce Elvira to him. He smiled when he put the backpack down by the door. Emil hadn't cheated. Part of him had known, but getting it confirmed that the gossips were just that – gossips – felt good in a way Lalli couldn't explain.

Emil looked at him when he entered the living room. He hadn't sat down in the couch yet and Lalli wrapped an arm around him, kissed him.

”I love you. Don't ever lie to me again.”

Emil smiled back, finally sat down.

”I'll never lie to you again.”

**Author's Note:**

> I realized I should probably explain this part:  
> "The librarian smiled, that weird smile most Swedes got whenever Lalli spoke Swedish, and Lalli frowned slightly. He didn't know what it meant."  
> Sorry Lalli, it's nothing against you. It's just... Finnish-Swedish is _the_ cutest dialect ever. The Swedes are just smiling because they think he sounds cute ♥


End file.
